Empty Nesting

This time of year can be extremely challenging for many parents. Children across our nation are packing their books and bags and preparing to leave home, some for the first time, some for the last. Whether they are going to kindergarten or the university, it is an emotional time for Mom and Dad. A six year old heading to the school yard reminds the parents how quickly their little is growing up. From birth to bottles to backyard to school yard, it all occurs in what seems like a moment of time. You turn around twice, and off they go into the big world to face life an a young adult, beginning their training for their future life endeavor.

For those who are watching their children become adults, there are three stages you will probably experience. We all respond to life changes differently, but you will most likely go through these.

1. Tears: This emotional stage comes from the loss you are experiencing. Your baby is leaving home, and probably not very remorseful about it. He/she is looking forward to a greater freedom, more responsibility, and the opportunity to become their own person. As a parent, this has been your goal for around eighteen years. The reality of that time's arrival feels very different. Go ahead and let out the tears. It is OK and normal. Just not try to undermine the process. That would become counter productive and unhealthy. Be as happy for them as you can. Give up control and just continue to influence them for the good.

2. Fears: This stage is because of your concern for the safety and well being of your child who is now a young adult. No longer can you shield and protect him/her in the security and safety of your home and the rules you provided while living under your roof. Your fears are legitimate. There are pitfalls out there. There are dangers from unscrupulous people, poor decisions, and reckless actions. Regardless, you have invested many years into their character. Trust the training you have provided and the God who cares for them more than you do. The fact is, you cannot keep them from making mistakes any more than you probably made some as a young adult. Did God bring you through? Your desire to keep them from the painful results of life's problems is admirable, but unattainable. Practice what you preach and trust the Lord, and them. They just may amaze you with how well they do.

3. Cheers: This stage will come. There may be times that you will begin to enjoy those moments of quiet in the house. Running them to soccer or ball practice will be missed; right. Time with your spouse will become a possibility again. The fact is that you may need to become reacquainted with your spouse once again. If you did not protect your space with your spouse as the kids were growing up you may find a real opportunity to fall in love with each other once again. The best thing you can do for your children is to love their parent. You will also find opportunities to celebrate the successes of your son/daughter. Cheer them on to what they are wired to do in life. Resist the temptation to pressure them to become what you want them to be, and cheer them on toward God's plan for their future.

Empty nesting has its good points and bad points. As in everything in life, remember the word from the Apostle Paul, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." God will see you through and He will also see them through. Happy empty nesting!

Youth

Someone stated, "It is a shame youth is wasted on the young." I understand the sentiment. The older we gets, the more aware we become of our limitations. The rapid passage of time, the reduction of energy, physical abilities, and the general lack of stamina can create a feeling that life is passing you by. The fact that the older you become, the more our choices create limits for our future.

Some become critical of the young for their lack of taking seriously the opportunities that present themselves when youth are faced with decisions. Personally I have been impressed with the quality of the youth from our nation as demonstrated in those participating in the 2008 Olympics. The comparison between Mark Spitz and Michael Phelps is amazing. Are young people today less responsible that the youth of twenty or more years ago? Obviously, the few that compete in the Olympics may not be a scientific gauge, but my experience tells me that the youth of today are as high quality as any. This week, at least 20 world records have fallen to the youth of our day. They are running and swimming faster than ever. The next week will undoubtedly provide additional examples of excellence.

What does this mean to we who are followers of Christ? I believe the youth of today hold the greatest promise of any generation. Their music is different than my generation may approve of. The truth is, the music of my generation was not appreciated by the previous generation. Music, clothing styles, likes and dislikes do not reveal the potential of people, young or old. This generation is passionate about what is right and wrong. They have huge advantages with technology. They are very gifted and intelligent. They often possess an incredible sensitivity to the work of the Spirit. The kingdom of God will be in good hands because God is at work among them. May the older generation nurture and encourage the younger to seek God in all things by providing godly examples of what it means to follow the Lord.

The Church

Our culture emphasizes the value of the individual. There is an appropriate focus in the church on the salvation of individuals for whom Jesus gave his life. Each individual must make the decision to receive Christ and make Him Lord of their lives.

The challenge comes when the value of the individual overrides the importance of the greater good. The biblical reference to the elect relates to the corporate nature of the church or community of faith, not simply individuals. Christ died for the church. He is building his church. The church is the focus of God's work in the world today.

Those of us who are called into ministry are commissioned to serve our Lord in his church. We are not called to a life of ease, comfort, or stress free existence. We are called to serve God through ministry, i.e. service, to the church, the people of God. No church belongs to any individual. The pastor may receive compensation for service given to a congregation and that would be appropriate. However, the pastor should never feel an entitlement. Church boards should generously support their leadership from a financial, relational, and spiritual point of view, but the pastor should remember he/she is a servant, not a CEO.

Everything the minister does should have in mind the value of the church. When the pastor moves to a new church setting, it should be because God calls them to that post. When it is time to leave, it should be because God has lead them to make that move. The overarching question that must be asked is "What is the best thing for the church?" If we keep in mind that the church is more important than we are as individuals, we will be more effective servants to our Lord and we will keep the right perspective of who we are and what we are called to do.